after electronically thumbing through bukowski's musings. i've come to the conclusion that we spend our lives bouncing back and forth between the need to be alone and the desire to share life in the witnessing... whether desire or need, it's just the way we are. there's no use in fighting it really.

Attention

There are a series of images in front of you. There are a few patterns that leave an impression, a visual imprint that becomes a familiar feeling. One day you notice something; an image you haven't seen before. You wonder if something changed, if the pattern was replaced. You start to question memory and loss of comprehension. The lines drawn and color fades. You think... "I need to start paying more attention."

Neon

I have this feeling... you know the feeling you get when you want to say something but you don't quite have the words? A feeling like being on edge, on the verge. All rush and no decline. I have this feeling... The approach blurs into the leaving and I am left standing on the curb watching a never ending line. Neon blind.

mellows like snow fall

My mind is on holiday I think... Maybe hibernating for winter and I am relying on only my body to get me through. Oh this is not good. I feel heavy and slow. There are things I would like to do like sledding, snowboarding, drink hot cocoa, send smoke signals to someone i don't know, watch planes navigate the starry sky, skate away on ice. Oh I don't know. I will just sit here and sigh, when I should be sleeping or working or creating... something, (shouldn't I?).

paper dolls

Petite hands wield pressed pulp to pliancy.
Still and all we palpate gently.
Pinch and paper dolls tear easily.

What goes on

"Do you realize what just happened... the enormity of what we just did?"

This question wasn't meant for me. The voice echoed off the stairwell's concrete walls and there I was by inconsequential necessity. Think of all the conversations going on this minute... Audible life stories, digging deeper with language, with the substantial weight of sound. It makes me sleepy. And the electrified exchanges spark and flame but the quiet here puts it out.

Goodbye Emily Dickinson

Everyone is talking, even the geese flying in V formation are chattering. The cause for commotion? Winter is here suddenly and full blown. The first big snow fall was a blizzard and the next day the temperature dropped suddenly from the 30's to 1, 2, 6 degrees. Winter has officially arrived and I don't own a shovel. Having busted my neighbors shovel I now have to buy two.

I'm painting again, though the ideas are slow to transpire from head to hand. I don't feel the need to rush though. There are a few activities I should throw myself back into after a long hiatus... like cooking (I've been saying this since July). Winter months mean lots of soup and stew which are easy enough to prepare. I've discovered something about myself recently though... I apparently dislike following written instructions (this is a challenge for cooking if I need to look up a recipe). Running is another thing... I've been lazy about running lately. My standard excuses are "I'm so busy" and "it's so cold" or "I haven't eaten enough to go running" (see above). I have on the otherhand been spending time with friends and this makes me feel warm and whole. Goodbye Emily Dickinson, hello you.